2020 off to a ragged start

Things change quickly and emotions can rule the day. Tina underwent a surgery to remove two papillomas that were benign and she is recovering with some soreness and nerve pain. Dr Klade had us follow up with an oncologist who explained Tina’s risk for developing any atypical cells or precancerous cells is less than 5%. More exercise weight loss and healthy diet are the needed tools to keep the risk low. 

We celebrated my Dads 100th birthday in January with family and friends at my brothers home in Oak Island. The Mayor if Caswell Beach came and read a proclamation declaring the day Joe Kitchings Day. Unfortunately dad got sick in the early morning hours of Sunday March 15th and he died a week ago in the morning hours of March 16th.  We had a Zoom video conference with family members yesterday to share feelings and stories about dad, grand dad and great dad. My heart has been so sad. I should be asleep but had to write in order to control the emotions flowing throughout my soul. 

And with the health crisis causing us to practice social distancing and shelter at home a full blown case of depression  is trying to settle in. 

Reflecting on 2019

Living through the eyes of a person who has failed to find peace of mind has kept me off balance for most of the year. I have so many things to be thankful for starting with my sobriety of 14 months. The people in our children’s lives keeping them safe and engaged. Our health. The movie car. My round of golf of 81! Preston’s development at Dominon Martial Arts.  His acceptance into the Young Naperville Singers.  His participation on the worship team at church. Tina’s new job. Talia’s increased talent at drawing. Her outstanding learning in first grade. My excellent review after an earlier disappointing one. My good Lung CT scan. Tina’s good thyroid scan and X-ray. 

Looking forward to continuing (starting to reread what I’ve forgotten) Men In Green— momentarily saddened by the words “just another misstep in a long series of them”; reflecting on them realizing regardless of how those words apply to my life I am where I am today in a good safe place. Need to  just focus on the good not the bad. God will bless me if I leave Satan alone. While I cannot go back  and change anything I certainly do lament the passing of so many dear friends and lovers over the years. 

Welcome to 2019

For heavens sake...It has been 5 years since I wrote here.  Preston will be 9 in March and Talia 6 in June. I am working at Newsome Home Health in Joliet as an intake coordinator and love my job.  Tina has taken a new job with Greencore as a Quality Systems Manager and is working through her company's acquisition by Hearthside. A big change for her but the challenge is a welcome one.  Its been a long/short five years and a lot of things have changed.  The primary thing that has impacted me the most is my dad moving into an assisted living community in North Carolina.  No longer in Oak Island where my brother still lives.  This change is big for him and while he is safer in the new environment, he misses all the memories he has of living on Oak Island.  And this move has greatly affected me as well-- and I didn't even realize how much until we visited this past August.  Gone are the days of playing golf with the Lions Club on Oak Island--dad cannot play any more at all now. (He really misses it although he wont say.)  Gone are the walks around the neighborhood of #10 and the cookouts on the back deck. Gone are the swims in the pool and the view of alligators from the back porch. Fond memories all...sadly now I think of them when I should be happy to have had them at all. I pray  to God to try to understand why I am depressed about this change in my dad's life. And then I realize, I am depressed about the effect it is having on me and I also realize I am empathizing with my dad because I know he misses the Oak Island days as well. Ever since his caregiver Anna died at the hands of a careless operating room/hospital staff, life for my father has not been the same. But there is no changing the past.  So, as I write these thoughts quickly, I also know that with the grace of God I will persevere and get stronger and find a way to have peace over the change aging brings to us all.  I stopped drinking 6 months ago and am working hard to stay healthy so I can continue to be the father and husband God means for me to be. 2019 is a year full of promise and new beginning for the kids and for Tina and myself.  I will write more.  Often. God Bless.

Summer 2014.... many things have happened. Talia is starting to walk. Tina is searching. Bill is working. Preston is singing. Illinois is getting on my nerves...so much traffic and road construction once the winter passes. But I am blessed by God to keep the faith and wait to see His plan for us. My heart is broken over the violence in our world and nearby. Helpless, but strong in prayer. Home not going to be built in Plainfield as planned, but home is still out there. Neighbors are moving tomorrow and Preston will miss his brown skinned brother and family that cares for him so much. He is strong of mind and we will always tell him he is good and powerful, so he will persevere. Talia says daddy, go , bye bye, down, blows kisses, and chatters with meaning every day. We are surrounded by people who love us and care for our children. We are providers of faith and good will. There is a circle of strength that God gives us with unlimited boundaries. We embrace His blessings and Word, we lift our praises to Him. We are so happy to have the life we live, and no matter how difficult life becomes, we are together trying, looking for moments to embrace our love for each other.  This post is dedicated to my wife who tries to understand me and love me when I am determined to be difficult, I love you endlessly..Tina.  I always remember when I called you from the rest stop on my way home from the Preston Family reunion... You are the one.

We finally did it! First part of the mission accomplished!

Wow ...what a relief after seven long years of waiting; taking classes; waiting to get into nursing school; getting started in 2011 and graduating in 2013; persevering with a detached retina and subsequent eye surgery; going to clinical with a fractured right foot; celebrating the glorious birth of our second child Talia Marie in the summer of 2013!; and most importantly, having the support of my wonderful wife Tina!  Proudly and with a big sigh of relief,  I say, William Preston Kitchings is now RN, BSN! Praise the Lord for working so amazingly in our lives! Now, as we start the adventure of building a new home, 2014 promises to be exciting. I mentioned first part of the mission. That means as many of you know, God has plans for us and we look forward with anticipation for His reveal. We are listening Lord! Keep preparing us as we grow in our family. Oh yeah...please allow me some time to play a few rounds of golf (Tina said it's okay!).

Here it is September 2013, and the second child has been with us in the world for almost 4 months! Talia Maire was born June 3rd. Very exciting to watch her and Preston as they keep getting stronger and more developed. Preston loves being big brother and he is very helpful despite wanting to climb into her crib and curl up like a little baby! Tina is doing well, struggling with wanting to stay at home with Talia, and having to go back to work. She will travel less, so that is a good thing. Dhe is also getting her blackbelt as an auditor very soon, so that makes her even more desirable than she already is! I have a new job since June working in home health! School is in its last semester for me, so my stumble last spring has new steps as we move deeper into fall. Graduation is December. Thanks to all the people who have given me support through these crazy times! RN, BSN is the goal, and I actually feel like I am going to make it this time. Fall in Chicago is beautiful this year, and we are having a late warm up this weekend which I always love because, let's face it, this Southern Man likes warm weather! The only negative I have going right now is that I hate seeing baseball beyond the first week of October. Here it is the end of September and the playoffs have not even started. True baseball fans probably don't care, but I cannot stand seeing fans in the stands wearing cold weather clothing to a game played in the summer. That's just the old-fashioned part of me that cannot stand the greed of professional sports owners. Anyway, out of respect for my brother, go Reds! We are looking forward to 2014 as we decide whether or not we are staying here and making Chicagoland our forever home. Once I graduate and pass my boards, we will begin to decide, open our hearts to prayer, and listen to what God is telling us to do. Until next time, love your neighbor!

Relieved

Amazing is the only word that can describe how I see the world after my eye surgery. I waited for over a year to remove the side effect from my vitrectomy in 2011. Didn't hear about that? I do not think I blogged it! Anyway, I noted tonight on my way home from class, that I was seeing so clearly that I forgot what it was like to be impaired. That is a truism. We forget what it was like before the after effect. Take hearing for example. I sincerely do not remember what it is like to hear silence. I have not heard silence since 2007 except for one brief period while I was charting in the back of the nurses station in Elmhurst hospital in 2008. It was so quiet then, that I thought something was wrong! Often times when I am listening to this constant sound, I wonder if I have been hearing it all of my life. When I was little, and I slept out in the back yard, I listened to the sounds of chirping insects. Now, that sound is what I hear all of the time. But I never give up hope that one day, the silence will return, and I will appreciate all of the nuances of sound that people without hearing loss experience. But I digress.... I am so excited that there are only three more classes, one clinical, one care plan, one final,150 NCLEX questions, and one final exam remaining in Fall semester! That sounds like alot, but it really isn't considering what we started with! Over by the 14th of December, then a month to enjoy the season with Tina and Preston, decorate for Chritsmas, and take our yearly tour into downtown to Chicago to shop and enjoy the people. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving at Tina's sister's house in Minnesota. I do really enjoy going there. I missed an opp to see JR, but I talked with him today and better days are ahead in the spring or summer. Preston had a great experience, swimming in the pool with us for the first time. He was so exicted and happy to be there, I felt so good inside! He is going to be a good swimmer! Tina shared many good times with her family, and we all got to catch up with each other as lives keep moving forward and changing as the seasons do. I find myself torn between not wanting to go to NC to see dad, my brother, and sister, and wanting to go to NC to see my dad, brother, and sister. With God's blessing, this will work out. Tina has entered her second trimester, and we are thrilled that things are going well. This time we are more accepting I think of the way things are rather than worrying every step of the way. Really? HA HA. I am always worried! Anyway, she is such a trooper, a truly wonderful woman with a heart of gold! I do love her so. I continue to be amazed at God's gifts to our family. We are truly blessed to be where we are, who we are, and have the people around us that care. Thank you Lord for the season that is upon us, and we continually pray for preparation to serve you better. And may you keep Talia Marie or Thomas Tyler healthy. To all who read this, Merry Christmas! May your lives be filled with promise!

Balancing

So Summer is two-thirds over here in the suburbs of Chicago, and it is entirely possible that cooler weather will descend upon us and the air will be crisp before we know it. What has been a stressful, yet fulfilling year has moved into high gear with plans of a second child moving forward. We are hopeful that Preston will have a sibling by this time next year, and that God will bless us as He has done so far in our lives. We are excited at the possibility of staying up at odd hours, waking in the middle of the night, changing diapers, consoling hurt feelings, nuturing young souls, and occasionally remembering to love each other as we prepare small lives for bigger promises. There is an excitement about moving into the 4th semester of school, knowing that when Thanksgiving arrives, the light at the end of the tunnel is truly one that shines on the future! Graduation in 2013 will be a culmination of many years spent learning to be a complete caregiver, and registered nurse. Sharing family experiences outside of our immediate one is on the agenda for this year and next, so we are excited to include travel at the end of this year, and next Summer after our new baby is born. Tina is earning her black belt as an auditor for Ingredion, and 2013 will also afford her the opportunity to chase her dreams while being a mother, a manager, and my lover. There is also the hopeful promise of a new set of golf clubs for Summer of 2013, and a chance to manage a few rounds with my buddy JR, even though he has moved back to Minnesota. My dad said I was one fo the most courageous people he knew...actually he said I have alot of guts. Lets just hope they don't develop any problems so that I can live long enough to see our children be able to drink out of a regular cup without throwing it across the room. No matter what though, it will always be a balancing act to get through this life. Never be afraid to try to make more out of yourself than you think you can be, and do not let anyone challenge your faith that God will always orchestrate what you need. Power on, full screen ahead!

God first

I heard the news today oh boy.....not from the Beatles song...but from God. It was delivered in a message from one of the elders at Ginger Creek Community Church. "God does not prosper us to increase our standard of living, but to increase our standard of giving." As a family, we will submit to God, give generously, and find the life that He has meant for us to follow. I know it is hard to believe. I know it is easy to define ourselves by the circumstances in which we live. But there is a promise from God that if we put Him first, and give from our heart, He will give us everlasting life, and prosper us beyond what we could imagine.

A Narrow View

In any organization, the people in it are the most valuable asset, and the perception of those people is determined by the leadership of that organization. One could hardly argue with that premise, but one would have to accept that the leadership of an organization is responsible for the perception of its people from inside or outside the organization. Do you follow? Its the perception that the organization is only as good as its leader. This does not apply to our country however, so do not go getting any ideas where this is going. What I came here to write about is the lack of civility in our Congress, and the media. Most people would welcome a civil debate about health care issues, immigration, and the war in Afghanistan. What we want is an explanation of how and why things will work, how much it will cost, who will pay for it, and not the talking points that force people to choose Democratic or Republican views. I might be for a public option if any one bothered to explain exactly what it is and how it will work. I might be able to consider accepting any viewpoint if it is explained in a civil way. Civility is not what we are getting, however, so the country keeps on along party lines whether they understand the issue or not. The poor media coverage, the constant bickering, name calling, and hatred of some people dominate us. Forming an informed opinion is almost impossible because catch phrases and talking points do not explain how health care reform will work. Criticizing the Bush administration or calling President Obama a socialist is not productive. Portraying our young women in sitcoms as promiscuous, and dressing them like sluts is not helping anyone either. (That's a side thought that popped up when I was wondering why people degrade others so.) Anyway, our Congressional leadership needs to stop blaming each other, and get involved in civil debate and discussion as to what they are going to do to help ALL Americans have health care whether it is affordable or not. (Affordable is just a another catch word. Lets face it: Health care is expensive!) I know its all complicated, but surely there is a way that we can understand it. The first step is to have things explained clearly and without opinion. Try a little humility, kindness, genuine concern for others, and telling us honestly how things are going to work. Oh, and just so you know, the President of the free world IS expected to mediate this bickering and not be the force behind it. God bless everyone, and I hope you all have a wonderful Fall. Play nice!

Let the President Speak!

What the heck is the matter with folks in this country? President Obama is going to address the nation's schools today. Heck he should have done it at 0900 so all the students could watch! Parents objecting? Give me a break. This is a good thing people...This is a GOOD THING!

When the Mind is Full

Well the mind is full. Does anyone else relate to this? I mean, so many thoughts and ideas that you cannot channel them? I am in a funk of sorts because of that. I have alot on my mind--did I say that already?--Tina is pregnant, Praise to the Lord! That is a BIG story by itself... and it is a blessing beyond our wildest dreams. We are so hopeful and excited! My job is going well except for the overload of work that is on all of us because they cut our number one asset!! PEOPLE. People are our number 1 asset in Healthcare. I could write a lot about that, but I will say this. Leadership that has true value seeks other ways to save money than cut people. This is why there are so many people in unemployment lines because leaders, owners, people in charge, (listen up Democrats!) always take the easy way out. Putting people out of work accepts Failure! Creating alternate ways of saving money creates JOBS! But I cannot frustrate myself with this concept any longer because it falls on deaf ears. I bring it up, and people do not know what I am talking about. So, I will pray that I continue to try to be a leader, and that God will show me how to deal with this fullness that is sometimes overwhelming.

Disinformation.......WTF!

what does disinformation mean? does that mean spreading information that is not true? is there any real information out there? can you send me some information????
i mean what is the information that we are dissin? i hope that someone will send me some disinformation so i can let the government know about it!! they seem really worried!

The Finals

Say goodbye to the magic of the finals...LA will finish, Detroit the motor city will have no autos but an awesome Redwings! Relax everyone, God is in control. The demo symbol is now the pic of Barney Frank--true jackass, and David Letterman is the symbol of aging comedian without new jokes...oops funny jokes. unless you think being pregnant is a joke. Please hold me back.

The Signs

The signs of the decay of organized civilization are here as reported by the media. Lawlessness throughout the world. Attacks against our values. Lawyers on the loose.
Unbridled opinion. Wow...and all I want to do is play 18.

My List

Its a beautiful day here today. Cold, but sunny. Optimistic is the mood. However, the country appears to be embroiled in a controversy concerning "bonuses" paid to AIG employees. I watched the hearings yesterday, and am always amazed at how OUR employees of the federal government want to get answers to their questions, but do not always wait to hear the answer.
And if they do not hear the answer they want to hear, they interrupt (which is rude by the way) and inject their opinion as to what they think the answer should be. Its a very interesting process. And not the way to spend an afternoon unless you just have to! Anyway, without trying to be too clever, or write alot of long winded sentences, I am going to list the things on my mind.
1) I don't care who's to blame for the economic mess in this country. I would like to see it fixed without succumbing to socialist principles to do it.
2) Barney Frank should be in charge of Saturday morning cartoons.
3) We should demand a list of all congressmen and women, how much they make, where THEIR money is invested, and how much income tax they paid for the past ten years.(If they paid any that is) This list should include all White House Staff as well. They work for US, and as public employees should be totally exposed when it comes to how they use our money. A list of their addresses and where their kids go to school should be included while we're at it. Right?
4) Either enforce our immigration laws or change them. Put Nancy Pelosi in charge of this.
5) Stop borrowing money from a communist government. As a matter of fact, stop borrowing money period. Get your expenses in line. The government has their hands in every available source of revenue now. Figure out how much money comes in, figure out which FEDERAL projects need it the most, (that'll be fun) and spend it accordingly. BUT DO NOT BORROW MORE TO $PEND MORE! And let the states do what they need to do on their own.
6) Stop using my money to pay for abortions overseas and here at home. If you want to break GOD's laws, then do it with your own money.
7) Pass a law that states everyone has to take a two hour break in the afternoon. Only people caring for dying people (or those being born!) are exempt from this law. For those already on break because you lost your job, then you don't have to feel bad during this time.
8) And this is very important: PROTECT US from all those crazy people who are trying to kill us. Take that how you want, but actually lock up some of these people! That means gang members ,terrorists, drug dealers, and serial killers. We don't need to find out what or who they know, or pretend to care how to fix them. GET RID OF THEM!


So there is my list. I am going to try to get at least one of those done. Don't know how yet, but I can promise it wont be by mailing in tea bags!

Have an awesome day, and don't forget to be nice to someone!

The Winter of Our Discontent

God is testing my faith. As the headlines unfold, I feel a swell of anger building inside of me, feeling helpless to do anything when I want so very much to speak my mind. My head is full of ideas, half finished thoughts, opinions, and memories. Just when it all begins to boil over, I realize that I am trying to control situations that are not mine to control.
Tina and I are following a path to conceive a child, and we are encountering challenges along the way. She had a fibroid surgery last month that revealed some tissue issues, (smiling at that!), that are not as serious as they could have been if we didnt have the surgery. (praise to God!) So we are still trying to prepare the womb for fertilization. God is in control, and we pray daily for Him to give us wisdom.
Ginger Creek Community Church is our home now for fellowship and worship. We are pleased to be a part of a small group that brings us closer to families that share our beliefs, and our desire to serve.
But I digress from the point of this message. Love that we can express is the gift given to us by God. We are meant to explore it, grow it, share it, and embrace it at every opportunity. It is by our grace, and with our love that change can occur. It is not the politics of the day, but our unconditional acceptance of God's love that will form the future. It is the faith in God that shapes our lives. Loving replaces the anger, and when that love swells, there is no reason for discontent. And with that in my heart, the winter will not be cold.
Please take the time to appreciate everything around you. God gave it all to you. See yourself outside of the situation that you may think is hopeless.

for crying out loud

i have not written anything here for so long i forgot i had this blog! alot has changed, and yet, everything remains the same. summer came, and went quickly this year due to attending summer school to finish my anatomy course. we were fortunate to begin summer with a trip to portland, and oregon's wine country. we pretty much stayed home during the summer, but finished it off with a road trip to thomasville, nc via my hometown of oak ridge, tennessee. we visited 7 states, and put things in perspective. and here we are, fall at hand, rain falling all day, hurricane ike moving towards the north, and tennessee winning their home opener! tina and i are trying to get pregnant, and God is moving in our lives to bring us a child. we found a new church, a new small group, and our lives are being challenged to accept the future without trying to control it. we are excited about the fall, the prospects of a new president, and of course the holidays! our second year here in chicagoland has been awesome, and we will be married three years this october! so many things to be thankful for, and to look forward to as well. tina's best friend is getting married in 09, nursing school completion is on the horizon, conception is becoming a real possibility, and maybe finally, bin laden's ass will be in a sling. let's roll pakistan!
anyway, God bless all of you! and just so you know, governor palin is right on!

give me my money!

what a great day! ice cold and sunshine....football on the telly, leg o lamb roasting in the oven, faithful wife upstairs scrapbooking, and talk of free money in the spring from our politicos in washington, d.c. an economic stimulus package! wow. i cannot wait to see how that works out. i dont know about everyone else, but we are going to blow our dough on something to help the economy. i dont know what yet, but i told my wife she could go out and buy whatever that money will buy. that made her stimulated! i dont even know how much it is, but i heard it might be 1600 clams. i also heard that some people wont get any cuz they make too much money. i dont understand that very well-- i thought people with money who had all their bills covered would probably spend extra money in the economy--or maybe im over thinking that. i am sure the politicos have it all figured out. they are, afterall, smarter than the average working citizen. i just wonder what this diversion is all about....
anyway, i am excited because spring really is not too far off, and that means golf for me! and boy do i love to play golf--haven't played for awhile (since november), but i love this time of year. PGA gets rolling and the promise of warmer temps has me salivating. i have lived in the south most of my life so i have no trouble visualizing those people getting a head start, but up here, there is going to be a special feeling when the weather turns. and i am excited! i love the promise that the future holds....
so, i have to say that i do have a bone about the economic stimulus package. free money to people who will probably pay bills with it because they are strapped right now is not going to stimulate the economy. but giving it to them will help families so i am for that! here's my idea. roll back the feds, cut spending, cut pork belly programs, allow people big tax deductions for supporting charities, and just plain helping other people, and give me my money that i work hard for everyday! stop taxing us for everything we do. there have never been as many taxes on us as there are today, and that needs to stop. hey here's an idea for economic stimulus--give every family in america $5000.00 and family passes to an amusement park . or even better still, allow everyone who files income taxes in this country to have a pass for 2007. now THAT is stimulus and almost has me salivating as much as the promise of spring!

the power to facilitate change

greetings earthlings! this is my first post. politics... Dominating -the -scene. lota problemos out there dude! and lottsa people wanna help solve them . many interests, causes, foundations, benefits, walk-a-thons, you get the point. (all good stuff really) and depending where they are, the politicos play the game. like now in detroit its all about the cars. but i digress. can they get specific? can they pick a problemo and just deal with that? i mean can they define a problemo and do what our best capitalistic partners do? actually offer a solution? we, the people, would embrace our leaders if they would actually sit down together and come up with a solution to a problemo. make it simple at first, like what time can we expect our garbage to be picked up every thursday. i mean shouldn't that be the day? around here it is...other places friday, other places saturday. why not mondays? you know after a great weekend of real trash production.
and i mean isnt that another real problem? producing all that trash? well, lets keep focused.
lets have all the politicos work for the sanitation departments across the country and figure things out and get together and try to solve that one problem before they try to solve the complicated ones like health care. God knows we would be better off with them working on the trash issue rather than something important like health care. afterall, with all the trash talk out there right now, we would be alot safer if they invested some real time with the garbage.